Becoming a mother is one of the most beautiful experience that life has to offer and I certainly wanted to experience one.
After marriage most of the couples are waiting to share this Good News. However, in our case me and my husband wanted to wait for some time before starting this new phase of our life. The journey towards pregnancy wasn’t bed of roses for me.
We got married in 2014. And after 4 years of romantic getaways and few international vacations we thought to start a family in year 2018. But it doesn’t happen when you plan it. I had a really difficult time while trying to conceive. There were countless visits to hospitals. After couple of negative results, I had undergone the HSG test (quite painful one) which came as fine. Then the doctor suggested IUI procedure. I was very hopeful this time as the result date happened to my birthday. Unfortunately, the result was negative and I was shattered again. I was really looking forward to celebrate my birthday with a good news but it didn't happen that way.
I changed the doctor after that. With her, I had undergone a few more tests which were all fine, however the results were still the same. Again IUI was done for 2 more cycles and then she suggested to take some time off. It was almost a year with back to back trying sessions and nothing else was on my mind except this. With each negative result, my self confidence was as low as it could be and I was on the verge of depression. Nothing was going right in my life. My professional life was as disturbed as my personal life. I still remember an incident when I was in office feeling really low about what was happening to me and I got a call from HR to take up a new project. I explained to her that I need work life balance to handle this and she narrated her own story of struggle she had while trying to conceive. Out of desperation I even asked her which doctor she consulted during her time!
I could feel the negativity around me and I wasn’t the same I used to be. With so many tests and failed procedures the doctor was also suggesting towards IVF, which only meant more effort and money and not to mention, the pain. That was the time when I asked myself do I really want this? Have I taken birth to just give birth? When everyone else can have a normal baby then why can't I? I took some time off and started focusing on other things. After few months I again changed the doctor and this time the doctor suggested for Laparoscopy in the first meeting which involved a huge sum although not as much as IVF would have costed. My husband suggested me its better to go for Laparoscopy instead of IVF which was more painful and expensive.
I agreed and went for the procedure. Once again the procedure was successful and the doctor informed me that it was mild PCOD and everything else was normal. She suggested due to stress and hectic schedules we were facing this problem, which is very common these days.
The next month, I visited the doctor and in USG she confirmed I had conceived. Just when I was least expecting it happened. I was on cloud nine but fate had other plans and soon after conceiving I caught viral fever for 3-4 days. Because of that the fetal heart beat never came and it became a case of blight ovum and I miscarried. The pain of that cannot be described in words. My husband was on official trip abroad at that time. And I took that sad news alone. My family members kept motivating me but I still felt that maybe pregnancy is not for me. It will only remain as a dream which will never be fulfilled.
Time passed and after few months I conceived again in Feb 2020. I got my HCG blood test to confirm the good news. Yes, it was indeed a good news but I was scared at the same time due to my last experience. The doctor took all precautions this time and the journey of pregnancy took off along with the pandemic. Yes! The journey wasn’t easy.
We broke the news to close family and relatives. I never faced morning sickness or nausea. I didn't vomit for even single day during my pregnancy. However, I was facing other issues such as metallic taste, fatigue (I used to feel sleepy all the time) and acidity (which remained with me like my best friend throughout my pregnancy). Then the time came for the first ultrasound test to check the fetal heartbeat. By God’s grace everything was perfect and the results were good.
Still wanted to sleep all the time. Frequent urge to pee. And then one fine day I felt that tiny kick for which I waited for so long. It was around week 22, early morning and I was lying down lazily and I suddenly felt “The KICK”. I was filled with joy. That was the first time I felt that a small human being is inside me who is trying to connect to me. From that day on the kicks were more prominent and I couldn’t mistake them for acidity anymore. Whenever I used to eat something spicy I immediately felt the kicks. I started eating Fun Flips every other day to feel the tiny kicks. All second trimester tests were fine and I started looking forward for the first time.
Covid-19 unlock phase I was in progress during my birthday in July 2020. We planned the much awaited baby shower. The event involved just our families. We did a havan to seek blessings from God. My father in law wrote a beautiful blessing for me and the baby.
In September 2020 starting, we planned for the maternity photoshoot. I was really looking forward to it as we couldn't plan pre wedding photoshoot and this was the golden opportunity to compensate for that. After weeks of research, I finally ordered a beautiful gown from Mama Couture for the photoshoot.
With all precautions, we booked Mr. Shubhannkar Dey from Deys Photography to capture the most beautiful phase of our lives. The date and destination were decided. The Deys team followed all Covid-19 protocols and arranged for props. They even allowed us to be creative during the photoshoot. During the first year of pandemic it was a risk we took and Deys team ensured our safety without comprising in the fun part. We had the best of our times during the photoshoot.
I was eagerly waiting for the photos when I got the news from my gynae that the delivery could happen in next 10 days which was one and a half months earlier than the due date. I didn't panic and took a second opinion. Based on that, another two weeks passed and then the delivery date was decided for 26th September 2020. The date which would change our lives forever. From 2 we will become 3 and never look back.
Meanwhile, I requested Deys team to deliver the photos before my delivery date. To my surprise they did deliver the photos before the scheduled date. The photoshoot was one of the most memorable event during the pregnancy. Everyone in my family loved the photos.
The day before my delivery I was freaking out like anything. The fear of C section, the excitement of new member and the anxiety that everything should go smooth was nerve wrecking. I read everything about C section before the operation to ease my anxiety levels and it surely did help.
The D Day
Finally the day had come. The hospital bag was ready. The nursery was ready. We were ready!! Although I was still nervous! We went to the nursing home and I was getting prepared for the operation. I went to the OT, the process started and the baby was out in 10 minutes.
It’s a GIRL. Ah those words filled my heart with joy for I always wanted a girl. My prayers were finally answered. I prayed for her to be a girl everyday throughout my pregnancy. I saw her. All pink and crying, I was crying too!
I just wanted to say this to all women who are trying that you are not alone. The path to motherhood isn't easy always but with positive attitude and determination, you can achieve that. Its easier said than done and really difficult to achieve. But I feel that it is a blessing which is written in everyone’s destiny. Some get it easily while some have to take the difficult path to get it. As the famous saying goes “All’s well that ends well”, believe me when it will happen to you there will be no turning back. It will be worth the pain!
By Bhakti Soni